Empty. Fears.

Alone.

I have a fear of being alone, being empty.

The world is full of people trying to bring you down.  I don’t want to be a part of that.

We judge others before we know them, we judge ourselves.

Do we know ourselves?

I have a fear of losing myself.  Or is it finding myself?

Have I found myself?

We forget that the people we see are REAL.  They are as real as we are.

Are we real?

We walk these halls daily with the pressures of a lifetime on our shoulders.

We compare our behind the scenes, with everyone else’s projection screen.

You are not alone.

I am not alone.

Dirt Biking.

It’s Saturday morning. 

“Time to get up, were leaving in less than an hour”, my dad tells me.  It is 8 a.m., and I roll out of bed.  Quickly throw my pants, jersey, and socks in my old Alpinestars duffle bag.  Grab my boots, helmet, and chest guard.  Pull a tank top and shorts on, and run outside to help my Dad and older brother Jake load the dirt bikes. 

My Dad has already backed our truck onto the driveway, and we begin pushing our bikes up the skinny metal ramp and onto the bed of the truck. 

I ride Kawasaki, while Jake prefers Honda’s. 

Once the bikes have been loaded and strapped down, we throw our duffle bags, boots, and helmets in the bed of the truck with our bikes. 

The ride to the track feels like days, but in reality it’s only a few hours.  Once we arrive at the track, the smell of exhaust overwhelms me. 

I am home. 

The rush of adrenaline, and passion put into this sport is incredible.  Growing up with a family who shares such a strong passion for riding has only strengthened mine.  My parents taught me everything, and bought me my first bike as well as helped me sell and buy new ones every year. 

For that and everything else, I owe them the World.

Love.

Love. 

Some say it’s just a word.  I say it’s a whole lot more than that.  

Love is the strongest, most powerful, and the most unstable emotion humans have. 

Some say they have never been in love, that we are too young to feel true love. 

I couldn’t disagree more. 

I have been in-love with the same person for three years now, and there isn’t a single doubt in my mind that it isn’t real. 

I have felt the highest of highs when I am with this person, happiness that I could never express in words.  Where my heart stops when I catch them looking at me, or when they reach for my hand because they want to hold it just as much as I want it held. 

I have also felt the sharpest of pains due to this person.   For it is the wounds inside that hurt the most.  And emotional heartbreak is something you could never explain to someone, it is an agonizing pain of its own. 

Love makes you vulnerable. 

But in the end, I have found the rewards that come with allowing yourself to fall in love, are worth the risk.

Love is bittersweet.

Human Beings Feel.

Feeling.

Humans can feel things that even the most advanced  technology cannot. 

The feeling of touch, it’s comforting, welcoming. 

The feeling of agony, sharp and inexpressible. 

Or being madly in love, so sure of your feelings, yet so vulnerable, it becomes equally terrifying and wonderful. 

Where part of you longs to let go, to protect your emotions, but the other part melts your heart and locks you in when that one person even touches you. 

Pure happiness, only you can experience when you learn to love yourself for every one of your flaws.

 

Sometimes it’s the people who seem the happiest on the outside, that experience the most pain on the inside.