Remember Us. Young and Reckless.

Remember Us.

Look where we’ve come, I never thought I would be here, in your arms, right now.  But there isn’t any other place I would rather be.

I remember the first time I saw you.  We were in the ninth grade, you were rebellious, and I was innocent.  It seemed as though you had already experienced the World, and I was still standing on my front door step.  I had never done anything against what my parents had told me, you broke all the rules.

I remember our first kiss.  We had spent months getting to know each other.  I was hesitant at first, but there was something about you that I just couldn’t resist.  You and your gang had made a clubhouse from an old shed in our friends’ backyard, you called me over and they were all there with you.  In the shed, lined along an old couch you guys had purchased at the D.I.  The night was ending, and you asked me to come lay outside with you, so I did.  We were wrapped in a blanket, I looked up at you, and you leaned in and kissed me.  WOW.  The sparks were flying.  All while your friends watched from inside the shed.

From that point on, you became my everything.  We spent a lot of time together, and a lot progressed into every day.  Not a day went by without you by my side.  We shared a passion that I knew no one else had.  You had given me everything, and we shared the World with each other.  It was a fire that could never be put out, that’s what a first love is.  And it’s young, and it’s reckless, and it feels so perfect.  It’s like you’ve lost all control of yourself, and you’ve trusted someone else with it.  Because they are your other  half. 

And you’re lost without them.

Remember Me.

I come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry.

                                Tell you I need you,

                                Tell you I love you.

But it’s too late.  You’re gone, you’ve left and you took all our furniture, too.

It’s empty.  Our house, was once our home.  We bought it with the little money we had saved working over the last three summers.  You had said it was a fixer-upper, you fixed and I upper-ed (the decorations, that is).  It was beautiful, with rose engraved wallpaper, and smooth oak floors you spent days re-furbishing.

Remember those long nights when we would stay up, lying on the worn-out quilt I made you in the tenth grade, just talking.  And laughing, and cuddling, and kissing.  Your kisses were sweet.  You said I made them that way.  You said a lot of things.

Remember those mornings, when I would wake up to the beeping from the coffee maker?  You had snuck out of bed, so careful not to wake me.  But you would always forget to turn off the coffee.  You forgot a lot of things.

Remember when we would be eating dinner, and you would sweep me up right out of my chair and carry me upstairs, saying you would do the dishes for me later.  And you would lay me down, and kiss me, and tell me I was your one and only.  But in the morning you left the dishes.  You left a lot of things. 

But not today.  Today you took it all.

We had been fighting a lot lately, the years had worn us and our spark was fading slowly.  But you, YOU were my one and only. 

So I walked into our empty house, our pictures were still hanging on the walls, but the paper had withered away.  All that was left in the center of the floor was your quilt.  My quilt.  The quilt I had made you when I was 15. 

And it was then that I knew, I was no longer yours, and you were no longer mine.

And just like our house, I was empty.

Second Post.

I never know what to write on the second post.
I take that back.
Sometimes I know what to write, but today is not one of those days.
So I am counting this as my second post, about second posts.

One And Only.

One Word.

Past.  I have what you could call a very ‘colorful’ past.  Some know me for my past.  I don’t think there is a word in the book I haven’t been called.  I don’t think there was a shirt, skirt, pair of jeans, any piece of clothing in my closet that people hadn’t said something about.  There wasn’t one thing I could have said to please them.  To please you.  No matter how hard I would try to make you happy, I was always wrong.  I was even wrong when I was right.  I have one thing to tell you, you didn’t know me.  And I have proof, because how could you know me when I didn’t even know myself?

Present.  I try to live for myself, but I can’t.  I rely on YOU.  Because you have become my everything.  I blame myself.  I blame myself even when YOU are wrong.  When I am left home, alone, and YOU are out with friends.  Left to contemplate why I have been left behind.  Why I am always left behind.  I live for YOU.

Future.  Now this one, this one I love.  Because in this one, YOU can no longer control me.  I haven’t lived this one yet, so you have no way of telling me how I can, or will, live it.  I can only hope that by the time this one comes around, I no longer rely on your comfort.  And I can finally live as one.

I'm not writing for YOU anymore.

I’m not writing for you anymore.

We all try to write for each other, what would others like to read, how to impress everyone else in the class. How can we get on Mr. Nelson’s favorite blog list?  You know this is true.

Well not for me anymore.

I am done writing for you.  Yes, you, the person reading this. 

I am writing for me from now on.

To share how I’m feeling, whether I think you will want to read it or not.

I will share all my feelings, and some of my secrets.  Although, some of you might have guessed who I am, and by now I’m sure a decent amount of you know who I am.

So what, so what if you know who it is behind the computer screen.  Yeah, its me.  Behind your computer screen, its you.  So we are equal.

Maybe I know who you are, maybe I’ve figured that out.

But what have I got to lose?  I’m not trying to impress any of you.  Especially not anymore.

It’s time this blog got real.  Not that is wasn’t before, but MORE real.

I’m not here to mess around or please anyone anymore.  I’m writing to no one.  I’m writing to me, for me.

ROCK ON

Important Notice: Direct Order to ROCK ON

ATTENTION!!!

Dear __________ (fill in the blank),

You have a direct order from the RAOTW, Rock Association Of The World, to ROCK ON!!!

Let loose and Rock On.  Rock so hard, that you forget where you are.  Tease your long hair and tease the lead guitarist, because he’s probably really hot.  Show everyone around you that Rocking Out is your job, that you were BORN to ROCK OUT.  Rock that leather vest and skin-tight studded leggings like you own the place, because if you are rocking hard enough, you DO own the place.  Head bang like the alcohol isn’t going straight to your head, even though it is.  Blast that Rock N’ Roll like you live in the 80’s, sing along like you are the lead singer in Guns N’ Roses.  Be one of a kind.  That’s what Rock is all about.  Who cares what you look like, you don’t live for other people.  You live for the MUSIC.  You should never be seen without your headphones on, turned up all the way.  Live so the world knows you don’t care what they think, you’re going to have a good time.  Forget commitments, there are no rules in Rock N’ Roll.  Forget the real world, and live in the MOMENT.  Because this moment, right now, will only come once.  Make it count.  Make EVERY moment count.  Living without regrets.  Because regrets don’t exist in Rock N’ Roll.  ROCK ON.  Today, tomorrow, and every day until you die.

We Can BE.

We forget that we have the power to be whoever we want to be. 

We forget that our favorite actors or athletes started out just like we did. 

From scratch. 

They started with a goal, and they fought until they accomplished that goal. 

Every last one of us can be whatever we want, but why is it that all I want to be is happy? 

I am happy.  And I have been happy.  I just want to stay that way.  I want to have the happiest life possible. 

But there isn’t a coach for achieving happiness.  There isn’t a guide on ‘how to be happy’. 

Happy is a choice.  Which is why it is so amazing. 

We have the choice to be happy, I have the choice to be happy.

And so I will. 

I will BE happy.

I'm Made Of Duct Tape And Bricks

We all want to know who we are.  Whether you’ll admit it or not, I know you are wondering too. 

How could you not wonder? 

As the days go on, they turn into months, and months into years.  And still, we sit here, unaware of who we are. 

Define yourself.  I dare YOU to define yourself. 

The first person to stand up and honestly say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks.” Will be my hero.  But wait, there is something wrong with that sentence. 

I hear it every day.  Apparently no one cares what others think.  But if that’s true, where’s this peer pressure to be perfect coming from?  I’ll tell you where, It is coming from YOU. 

Peer pressure is an unrealistic term, because peer pressure doesn’t really come from your peers, it comes from within.  We are constantly comparing ourselves to everyone else, and when we don’t measure up, we blame it on our ‘peers’.  We are always looking for someone else to blame. 

Well stop, stop for your own good. 

You are the only person who can stop peer pressure, because if we would all stop trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations, peer pressure would not exist. 

Live for yourself, stop living for others.  And stop letting others live for you.

Am I Still Breathing? Life & Death.

 

Breathing.

Just one more thing we take for granted, daily.

Tell me, are we alive?

 

Only yesterday was the time of our lives.

 

Every day, every minute, people around the World are dying.

Some even by choice.

Suicide.

 
Bound by the ties of life, some knots are too tight.

 
Gripping with all your strength, but slipping away.

 
Take off your mask.

 
Who are you?  Who am I.

 
Where is the passion we were all born with?  You stole mine away, once you made hair and clothes important.

 
The World will constantly remind you of the imperfections you possess.  That you are a defect.

 
Well I have a news flash for the World, God DOES NOT make defects.  God does not make flaws.

 
You are perfect, because you are YOU.  There is only one you.

                                                                                                                                     

Forget your worries, accept the things you can’t control, and start living your life.

 

 

 

 

Because if you aren’t living, you are dying.

Don't Think.

Thinking.

We think too much. 

We think so much, our thoughts consume us. 

We think of our image.  We think of our future.  We think about our friends, because right now that’s all that seems to matter. 

We think we need to be perfect, so we think about what perfect is.  We think of magazines, books, movies, and we think of movie stars. 

But what we aren’t thinking is that we are over-thinking. 

We are being eaten alive from the inside-out by our thoughts. 

Once we think we’ve taken all we can handle, we think of how to stop thinking.  How to forget our thoughts, and be happy again.  So we think happy, then realize we are STILL thinking. 

So we empty ourselves of all our thoughts. 

We accept our imperfections, and allow happy back into our bodies.  Breathing it in deeply, allowing that innocent feeling back into our lives. 

Because once we learn to stop thinking, nothing else matters.