My Heart Said... To Stay

My heart said…

My heart said to stay.

When your hand touched mine, that day.

And the World stopped spinning when I looked in your eyes,

But how could we cover up all of our lies?

We let them all out, and both our hearts broke.

Our passion was too healthy to generate a stroke.

So you kissed me and caused the jumpstart of my heart,

You promised to never forget to do your part.

From that moment on I was hooked on a drug,

An addiction I got from every hug.

Our fire will never burn out, you said.

And from then on, my heart never bled.

I’ll never regret my souls decision to obey,

When my heart said to stay.

Poem By: Me

Prisoner Of Emotions

 

 

Prisoner of Emotions

 

in a room full of emptiness,
i am lost, searching for something,
i do not know, searching for something,
that is already within;

confused, tensed, happy, sad,
torn, broken, scared, jubilant,
its a barrage of emotions,
trying to drown me in a sea of sorrow;

is it a fear of the unknown tomorrow?
or is it a confusion of the present?
maybe it is about what happened yesterday?

obessesed by a dream of better life,
i am searching for nothing,
i am being led astray from one to another,
dragging me to the depths of hell and to the highs of heaven;

unable to find the power to fight,
i feel myself being dragged,
against my wishes,
and made into a prisoner of emotions.

Written By: Praveen

 

I like this poem because I feel everyone could relate to it in one way or another.  I like that its deep, and I like the line “obsessed by a dream of a better life, I am searching for nothing”.  I think a lot of us are trying to find ourselves and what we want to be when we grow up.  I want to make an amazing life for myself, but I don’t know where to find it.  I don’t know where I should go after high school, or what I will love doing for the rest of my life.  A career is a scary thing, I just hope I choose mine wisely.

Step-By-Step: How to Accept President Obama

Step-By-Step:  How To Accept President Obama

So I’m sure some of you reading this voted for Mr. Barack Hussein Obama to rule over America for a second term.  Congrats, you got your wish.  But this post is for those of us who need a little extra help accepting Barack.  Continue reading if this applies to you.

Step 1: You must embrace him, Barack that is.  For this step, I suggest hanging a few dozen posters around your house of Obama’s face.  This step helped me realize that he isn’t that bad looking.

Step 2: Taxes have risen.  But look on the bright side, I work 4 hours straight at a telemarketing job every single day and Barack only takes $150 out of my $300 paycheck.  Not too shabby!

Step 3: We all attend Lone Peak High School.  So I’d be knocked off my feet if I found one single person without a cell phone.  We all love our phones!  And Barack is willing to add to our national debt by handing out cell phones to everyone who doesn’t have one!  Free cell phones people!

Step 4: The overall safety of our country is better than ever.  With 75% of our nuclear weapons destroyed by Barack, we can put all our trust in America’s enemies to (hopefully) not bomb us!

Step 5: Well, this step is the most important.  The thing is, whether you accept President Obama or not, he is our President.  And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

i lost myself.

i lost myself.

You Stole This, Too.

I’m lost in a dream,
And nothing is what it seems.
Searching my head,
For the words that you said.

How could this be happening to me?
I'm lying when I say, "Trust me"
I can't believe this is true,
Trust hurts.

My body aches from mistakes,
Betrayed by lust.
We lied to each other so much,

That in nothing we trust.

If there’s a new way, I’ll be the first in line…

Tears filled my eyes, as we said our last good-bye’s.

“I’ll never forget you”

These are the last words,
I'll ever speak.
And they'll set me free.

Blacked out.

I believe in love.

 

Music for life.

Remember Us. Young and Reckless.

Remember Us.

Look where we’ve come, I never thought I would be here, in your arms, right now.  But there isn’t any other place I would rather be.

I remember the first time I saw you.  We were in the ninth grade, you were rebellious, and I was innocent.  It seemed as though you had already experienced the World, and I was still standing on my front door step.  I had never done anything against what my parents had told me, you broke all the rules.

I remember our first kiss.  We had spent months getting to know each other.  I was hesitant at first, but there was something about you that I just couldn’t resist.  You and your gang had made a clubhouse from an old shed in our friends’ backyard, you called me over and they were all there with you.  In the shed, lined along an old couch you guys had purchased at the D.I.  The night was ending, and you asked me to come lay outside with you, so I did.  We were wrapped in a blanket, I looked up at you, and you leaned in and kissed me.  WOW.  The sparks were flying.  All while your friends watched from inside the shed.

From that point on, you became my everything.  We spent a lot of time together, and a lot progressed into every day.  Not a day went by without you by my side.  We shared a passion that I knew no one else had.  You had given me everything, and we shared the World with each other.  It was a fire that could never be put out, that’s what a first love is.  And it’s young, and it’s reckless, and it feels so perfect.  It’s like you’ve lost all control of yourself, and you’ve trusted someone else with it.  Because they are your other  half. 

And you’re lost without them.

Remember Me.

I come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry.

                                Tell you I need you,

                                Tell you I love you.

But it’s too late.  You’re gone, you’ve left and you took all our furniture, too.

It’s empty.  Our house, was once our home.  We bought it with the little money we had saved working over the last three summers.  You had said it was a fixer-upper, you fixed and I upper-ed (the decorations, that is).  It was beautiful, with rose engraved wallpaper, and smooth oak floors you spent days re-furbishing.

Remember those long nights when we would stay up, lying on the worn-out quilt I made you in the tenth grade, just talking.  And laughing, and cuddling, and kissing.  Your kisses were sweet.  You said I made them that way.  You said a lot of things.

Remember those mornings, when I would wake up to the beeping from the coffee maker?  You had snuck out of bed, so careful not to wake me.  But you would always forget to turn off the coffee.  You forgot a lot of things.

Remember when we would be eating dinner, and you would sweep me up right out of my chair and carry me upstairs, saying you would do the dishes for me later.  And you would lay me down, and kiss me, and tell me I was your one and only.  But in the morning you left the dishes.  You left a lot of things. 

But not today.  Today you took it all.

We had been fighting a lot lately, the years had worn us and our spark was fading slowly.  But you, YOU were my one and only. 

So I walked into our empty house, our pictures were still hanging on the walls, but the paper had withered away.  All that was left in the center of the floor was your quilt.  My quilt.  The quilt I had made you when I was 15. 

And it was then that I knew, I was no longer yours, and you were no longer mine.

And just like our house, I was empty.

Second Post.

I never know what to write on the second post.
I take that back.
Sometimes I know what to write, but today is not one of those days.
So I am counting this as my second post, about second posts.

One And Only.

One Word.

Past.  I have what you could call a very ‘colorful’ past.  Some know me for my past.  I don’t think there is a word in the book I haven’t been called.  I don’t think there was a shirt, skirt, pair of jeans, any piece of clothing in my closet that people hadn’t said something about.  There wasn’t one thing I could have said to please them.  To please you.  No matter how hard I would try to make you happy, I was always wrong.  I was even wrong when I was right.  I have one thing to tell you, you didn’t know me.  And I have proof, because how could you know me when I didn’t even know myself?

Present.  I try to live for myself, but I can’t.  I rely on YOU.  Because you have become my everything.  I blame myself.  I blame myself even when YOU are wrong.  When I am left home, alone, and YOU are out with friends.  Left to contemplate why I have been left behind.  Why I am always left behind.  I live for YOU.

Future.  Now this one, this one I love.  Because in this one, YOU can no longer control me.  I haven’t lived this one yet, so you have no way of telling me how I can, or will, live it.  I can only hope that by the time this one comes around, I no longer rely on your comfort.  And I can finally live as one.

I'm not writing for YOU anymore.

I’m not writing for you anymore.

We all try to write for each other, what would others like to read, how to impress everyone else in the class. How can we get on Mr. Nelson’s favorite blog list?  You know this is true.

Well not for me anymore.

I am done writing for you.  Yes, you, the person reading this. 

I am writing for me from now on.

To share how I’m feeling, whether I think you will want to read it or not.

I will share all my feelings, and some of my secrets.  Although, some of you might have guessed who I am, and by now I’m sure a decent amount of you know who I am.

So what, so what if you know who it is behind the computer screen.  Yeah, its me.  Behind your computer screen, its you.  So we are equal.

Maybe I know who you are, maybe I’ve figured that out.

But what have I got to lose?  I’m not trying to impress any of you.  Especially not anymore.

It’s time this blog got real.  Not that is wasn’t before, but MORE real.

I’m not here to mess around or please anyone anymore.  I’m writing to no one.  I’m writing to me, for me.

ROCK ON

Important Notice: Direct Order to ROCK ON

ATTENTION!!!

Dear __________ (fill in the blank),

You have a direct order from the RAOTW, Rock Association Of The World, to ROCK ON!!!

Let loose and Rock On.  Rock so hard, that you forget where you are.  Tease your long hair and tease the lead guitarist, because he’s probably really hot.  Show everyone around you that Rocking Out is your job, that you were BORN to ROCK OUT.  Rock that leather vest and skin-tight studded leggings like you own the place, because if you are rocking hard enough, you DO own the place.  Head bang like the alcohol isn’t going straight to your head, even though it is.  Blast that Rock N’ Roll like you live in the 80’s, sing along like you are the lead singer in Guns N’ Roses.  Be one of a kind.  That’s what Rock is all about.  Who cares what you look like, you don’t live for other people.  You live for the MUSIC.  You should never be seen without your headphones on, turned up all the way.  Live so the world knows you don’t care what they think, you’re going to have a good time.  Forget commitments, there are no rules in Rock N’ Roll.  Forget the real world, and live in the MOMENT.  Because this moment, right now, will only come once.  Make it count.  Make EVERY moment count.  Living without regrets.  Because regrets don’t exist in Rock N’ Roll.  ROCK ON.  Today, tomorrow, and every day until you die.

We Can BE.

We forget that we have the power to be whoever we want to be. 

We forget that our favorite actors or athletes started out just like we did. 

From scratch. 

They started with a goal, and they fought until they accomplished that goal. 

Every last one of us can be whatever we want, but why is it that all I want to be is happy? 

I am happy.  And I have been happy.  I just want to stay that way.  I want to have the happiest life possible. 

But there isn’t a coach for achieving happiness.  There isn’t a guide on ‘how to be happy’. 

Happy is a choice.  Which is why it is so amazing. 

We have the choice to be happy, I have the choice to be happy.

And so I will. 

I will BE happy.

I'm Made Of Duct Tape And Bricks

We all want to know who we are.  Whether you’ll admit it or not, I know you are wondering too. 

How could you not wonder? 

As the days go on, they turn into months, and months into years.  And still, we sit here, unaware of who we are. 

Define yourself.  I dare YOU to define yourself. 

The first person to stand up and honestly say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks.” Will be my hero.  But wait, there is something wrong with that sentence. 

I hear it every day.  Apparently no one cares what others think.  But if that’s true, where’s this peer pressure to be perfect coming from?  I’ll tell you where, It is coming from YOU. 

Peer pressure is an unrealistic term, because peer pressure doesn’t really come from your peers, it comes from within.  We are constantly comparing ourselves to everyone else, and when we don’t measure up, we blame it on our ‘peers’.  We are always looking for someone else to blame. 

Well stop, stop for your own good. 

You are the only person who can stop peer pressure, because if we would all stop trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations, peer pressure would not exist. 

Live for yourself, stop living for others.  And stop letting others live for you.

Am I Still Breathing? Life & Death.

 

Breathing.

Just one more thing we take for granted, daily.

Tell me, are we alive?

 

Only yesterday was the time of our lives.

 

Every day, every minute, people around the World are dying.

Some even by choice.

Suicide.

 
Bound by the ties of life, some knots are too tight.

 
Gripping with all your strength, but slipping away.

 
Take off your mask.

 
Who are you?  Who am I.

 
Where is the passion we were all born with?  You stole mine away, once you made hair and clothes important.

 
The World will constantly remind you of the imperfections you possess.  That you are a defect.

 
Well I have a news flash for the World, God DOES NOT make defects.  God does not make flaws.

 
You are perfect, because you are YOU.  There is only one you.

                                                                                                                                     

Forget your worries, accept the things you can’t control, and start living your life.

 

 

 

 

Because if you aren’t living, you are dying.

Don't Think.

Thinking.

We think too much. 

We think so much, our thoughts consume us. 

We think of our image.  We think of our future.  We think about our friends, because right now that’s all that seems to matter. 

We think we need to be perfect, so we think about what perfect is.  We think of magazines, books, movies, and we think of movie stars. 

But what we aren’t thinking is that we are over-thinking. 

We are being eaten alive from the inside-out by our thoughts. 

Once we think we’ve taken all we can handle, we think of how to stop thinking.  How to forget our thoughts, and be happy again.  So we think happy, then realize we are STILL thinking. 

So we empty ourselves of all our thoughts. 

We accept our imperfections, and allow happy back into our bodies.  Breathing it in deeply, allowing that innocent feeling back into our lives. 

Because once we learn to stop thinking, nothing else matters.

Empty. Fears.

Alone.

I have a fear of being alone, being empty.

The world is full of people trying to bring you down.  I don’t want to be a part of that.

We judge others before we know them, we judge ourselves.

Do we know ourselves?

I have a fear of losing myself.  Or is it finding myself?

Have I found myself?

We forget that the people we see are REAL.  They are as real as we are.

Are we real?

We walk these halls daily with the pressures of a lifetime on our shoulders.

We compare our behind the scenes, with everyone else’s projection screen.

You are not alone.

I am not alone.

Dirt Biking.

It’s Saturday morning. 

“Time to get up, were leaving in less than an hour”, my dad tells me.  It is 8 a.m., and I roll out of bed.  Quickly throw my pants, jersey, and socks in my old Alpinestars duffle bag.  Grab my boots, helmet, and chest guard.  Pull a tank top and shorts on, and run outside to help my Dad and older brother Jake load the dirt bikes. 

My Dad has already backed our truck onto the driveway, and we begin pushing our bikes up the skinny metal ramp and onto the bed of the truck. 

I ride Kawasaki, while Jake prefers Honda’s. 

Once the bikes have been loaded and strapped down, we throw our duffle bags, boots, and helmets in the bed of the truck with our bikes. 

The ride to the track feels like days, but in reality it’s only a few hours.  Once we arrive at the track, the smell of exhaust overwhelms me. 

I am home. 

The rush of adrenaline, and passion put into this sport is incredible.  Growing up with a family who shares such a strong passion for riding has only strengthened mine.  My parents taught me everything, and bought me my first bike as well as helped me sell and buy new ones every year. 

For that and everything else, I owe them the World.

Love.

Love. 

Some say it’s just a word.  I say it’s a whole lot more than that.  

Love is the strongest, most powerful, and the most unstable emotion humans have. 

Some say they have never been in love, that we are too young to feel true love. 

I couldn’t disagree more. 

I have been in-love with the same person for three years now, and there isn’t a single doubt in my mind that it isn’t real. 

I have felt the highest of highs when I am with this person, happiness that I could never express in words.  Where my heart stops when I catch them looking at me, or when they reach for my hand because they want to hold it just as much as I want it held. 

I have also felt the sharpest of pains due to this person.   For it is the wounds inside that hurt the most.  And emotional heartbreak is something you could never explain to someone, it is an agonizing pain of its own. 

Love makes you vulnerable. 

But in the end, I have found the rewards that come with allowing yourself to fall in love, are worth the risk.

Love is bittersweet.

Human Beings Feel.

Feeling.

Humans can feel things that even the most advanced  technology cannot. 

The feeling of touch, it’s comforting, welcoming. 

The feeling of agony, sharp and inexpressible. 

Or being madly in love, so sure of your feelings, yet so vulnerable, it becomes equally terrifying and wonderful. 

Where part of you longs to let go, to protect your emotions, but the other part melts your heart and locks you in when that one person even touches you. 

Pure happiness, only you can experience when you learn to love yourself for every one of your flaws.

 

Sometimes it’s the people who seem the happiest on the outside, that experience the most pain on the inside.

The Truth About Lone Peak High School.

High School. 

Where young men and women are stripped of their individualism.

 Where standing out is key, but how can one stand out in such a toxic environment? 

A place where your every move is watched under close radar, and dissected under a magnified glass.  You like gauge earrings?  Dying your hair red?  Your genetics impact your body weight, and you can’t be as skinny as the other girls?  Your parents can’t afford to spend two hundred dollars on a single pair of jeans?  You aren’t first string on the Football team; you can’t clear a double on your dirt bike.  You like Ed Hardy?  You won’t smoke or drink. 

These are only a few of the things that a student can do to automatically put themselves in the category of ‘Social Suicide’. 

Trust and acceptance are thrown out the window.   

Lone Peak is a school with excellent extra-curricular programs, awesome teachers, and all the most talented High School sports athletes in the state of Utah. 

But the pressure here is so immense, that some end up cracking under all the tension. 

Three suicides last year, if that wasn’t a red flag, what will be? 

What will it take for teenagers to learn that their social status’ aren’t everything, and accepting everyone is the only way we can survive these three years of brutal judgment they call “High School”. 

The few years when you should be having the care-free time of your life, have in reality been the hardest years of my life so far.  But Lone Peak isn’t the only school with pressures.  Every High School carries the weight of being perfect, one mistake and you can lose all your friends, and feel completely rejected.

If anyone is reading this, I hope you do something to help stop this horrible cycle.  I don’t know about you, but I sure hope my kids don’t have to go through even half of the hell I have had to go through to feel accepted during my High School years.